The Hour I First Believed Blog
number two
When you've been running your heart out for a while you get into a trance. You start to forget your running and you just start to think. You forget you're working so hard to just keep moving because all you can seem to focus on are your thoughts. The breaths you take are the only sounds you can hear. The inner monologue starts to take control, you're in cruise control. Then you come around the corner and you're done. It's over. Stop running. It's ok.
Reading excepts from Dylan and Eric's journals is like running your heart out. In the book there's an entire chapter dedicated to their journal entries leading up to the shooting. Lamb quoted some of what they said on their confession tapes too. It's their voice. It's not fiction, it's them speaking. I fell into a trance when I read them. It was like I forgot that I was reading, but I was watching them write, their plans unfolding. I watched them vent into their journals about the jerks at school who teased them that day, the ultimate reason for their attack. The most horrific thing was that I understood them. I understood that being rejected and being teased sucks. I understood their anger and that's what caught me off guard. That's when I stopped running in my mind. When I reached the end of the chapter I came out of my trance, realized that it was about one in the morning and that I had school the next day. When I went to bed I was thinking about Dylan and Eric, I understood that they were angry, but I couldn't imagine ever coming into school and shooting everybody and anybody I saw. I'm not like them. I'm nothing like either of them and even trying to comprehend their motives was unthinkable.
But still. These two guys were months away from graduating high school. They had plans after high school, they were thinking of college and the military. Then they rejected those thoughts and went out, bought guns and well...did it. Maybe with some therapy or attention or someone to talk to or care about could've prevented this. Maybe if someone had paid some attention it wouldn't have turned out the way it did. But I guess we'll never know.
posted by LMichelleV @ 10:41 AM
4 Comments:
Wow. That sounds like a really intense book - not sure I could get through it. However; it's definitely fascinating (and scary) to see how normal seeming people can be driven to evil or insane actions. You're point about how we might be able to prevent tragedies like this if we just paid more attention is something everyone should think about, although I wonder if it's really possible to tell when someone is going to snap like that...
You will feel like a freak for understanding what they did... shooting out the school. It's like when you are driving and you think, " I could totally just drive the car off of the road right now. What would happen if I just swerved into the on-comming lane?" So what is wrong with you? What kind of sick freak are you for thinking about something like that? You're human, just human. The being entranced by something especially a story is something that we are all vulnerable to.
I know exactly what you mean about how reading feels like running. When I first start a book I read the words a little hesitantly and I feel unsure about whether or not the book is worth reading. I almost feel like I'm reading a different language. But after reading for like 20 minutes I start to get into a flow and I can see and hear the characters around me. By then I'll be sucked in and hypnotized, needing to know what happens next. I've stayed up too late reading books.
Hi, Scarlett, this is your teacher.
Good entries. You've clearly recognized the author's effective strategies--and his ability to entrance you. Does the book have a shifting point of view, or is it primarily about the teacher and nurse you first met? It sounds like it's going to have a bit more coverage than the one couple.
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